I am still playing around with Neat Image to reduce the graininess on pictures that were taken a while back. If you haven't heard of this software, Neat Image reduces noise created by digital cameras. The demo version of this software, which is what I use, is free. Here's the before and after results. The difference is quite striking. Click to enlarge.
Before
After
The last couple of days I've been in hiding. I am ok really. Through all the ups and downs, I still believe I made the right decision in taking time off. Now that I get a year to myself, I've finally decide to utilize this time to do the things that I love.
1. Blog / Write - I always wanted to blog more but never had time. This year, I have the perfect opportunity to blog about whatever I want and add real content to this site.
2. Read - I am a real compulsive reader and there are lots of books on my reading list. I am also going to re-read my medical textbooks. If I set up a schedule every day I should be able to get lots of reading done this year.
3. Photography - J and I are planning to get a nicer SLR camera and selling the old one we have. I did a lot of smudge cleanup yesterday using Adobe Photoshop. Examples include ant and sunset picture above and icon on main page with little guy being crushed by stethoscope. Ain't that a good use for my stethoscope :p
4. Vector art - I want to learn how to make vector art using Photoshop Illustrator. Once I get the hang of it, I could submit my work to Shutterstock.
5. Write music - Still have to do some heavy editing using Overture and replay and re-record the pieces. I have the keyboard set up and everything.
6. Travel - J and I are setting aside some fund for traveling. Really excited. Will elaborate on this later.
In a way, I hope this year I get to do all the things I've always wanted to do. Medicine is a lifelong commitment and requires a lot of sacrifice, no doubt about it. In this profession, we keep telling ourselves ok 4 more years to go, 3 more years, 2 more years. Well, sometimes, you just can't keep putting things off. I am doing this for myself and I have no regrets or apologies. I know my parents may not understand but that's ok with me. For the longest time, I felt that I needed their approval in order to be happy. Now, I finally realized what I want. This is my life and this is what I want. Yes, I chose to go into medicine, and I thought choosing medicine meant giving up art. Now I know I will always be an artist. That doesn't mean I can't be a good physician, or vice versa. I need to find a balance between art and medicine. That's what I want to do for myself this year.
In the sea of pressed suits and shining white coats, a jellyfish swims - a tiny creature floating tenaciously on the waves, vulnerable yet resilient in its translucent beauty. Welcome to the world of medicine, home of the big fishes. For some, it is playground of the great sharks and marlins. For others, the natural inclination and finesse essential for greatness seems elusive. Deep inside, we fear betraying the inner glows that makes us seem fragile and vulnerable. So who are we? you ask. We are artists in medicine. In our passion for the art of medicine, we began the transformation of a lifetime. Through cathartic journey of self-doubt and denial, we arrive after countless defeats and setbacks. Some say we do it for money, for status, for parents. For those of us who believe strongly in the cause, we know we do it for the love of life. Medicine allows us rare glimpses into life's many miracles and beauties. We see more in medicine than our peers, sometimes too much. For all our individual failures and inadequacies, we bring different perspectives and unique sensitivities to medicine. Through our own struggles and defeat, we come to care deeply for those who suffer. We become the voices of our patients. Through us, medicine finds its lost tradition in art, its heart for humanity. So fear not jellyfish, in your lonely struggle out in the lonely seas. If you look around, there are many of us glowing out in the fierce waves. Together, we are an army of individuals who stand firm in our belief in a nontraditional approach to medicine. One day, white coat in hand and morning team in tow, you too will be at the helm steering your ship on the rough seas. That day will come soon enough, if you keep persisting. And when it does, remember the journey that brought us all here.
It's hard to believe that my last blog entry was written over half a year ago. Looking back, so much has happened during this time. Yes I've been busy but one can only come up with so many excuses. During this time, one of the toughest decisions I made was to take a year off from school to sort through things in life. That's to put things simply, of course. The real reason is a lot more complicated and is something I am still trying to figure out. I guess that's how life is. I used to think that life is a long journey filled with one milestone after another. Now, I see life in more cyclical terms. What I mean is, I think no matter where we go, what we become and achieve, we cannot escape from who we truly are. The little girl who grew up in the countryside, chasing butterflies, that was me and still is. This carefree child has been hiding inside of me all these years, holding her breathe waiting for the right moment to come running out of hiding. In the midst of this aseptic existence that has become my world, I could still hear deep inside the whispers of summer breeze and promises of monsoon rain to come. I am afraid, still am, of being free and vulnerable. I have not yet found a compromise. I lost my balance and fell, only to realize that I could not have fallen since I never did walk. Now this! What an expanse of emptiness and potential. I feel the trembling exhilaration of a caged bird set free. To what height could I soar and to what depth could I fall? I want to know. For to live and have not lived, that is the real tragedy of the modern life. I traded in my shining new sports car for an old model-T. This is my personal odyssey in search of the familiar sounds and faces of a disappearing world.
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